Change The Channel

Saturdays. We have until about 3pm, and then Paul heads off to work and it's just me and the boys. We always miss him. It becomes a countdown of the hours before he returns home. Today, though, instead of just watching the clock, we headed to the park.

I watch a lot of scary TV. Like... Snapped. Law & Order: SVU. Dateline. It's probably not the best thing for me to do, considering I am far too anxious and worrisome as it is - you know, without filling my head with these stories and worst case scenarios that are far too "typical" these days. I should stick to Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy, but no no... I need to know about the world's most far-fetched and terrifying crimes and criminals.

As we pulled up to our quaint neighborhood park today, there was only one other car in the lot. A truck. All the windows were down, and an older couple was hunched down in the front seats, a pitbull with a studded collar in the back. They had no kids, from what I can tell... they were just sitting in the car. Staring as we pulled up. The park was empty, and I immediately started to think of ridiculous scenarios as I unloaded the boys from the car.

Text Paul, tell him where you are.

Park far enough away to where you would see them coming if they headed toward you. You know, to attack you.

How would I get both kids in the car, and then myself, to get us out of here quickly? I would just throw both the kids in the car, on the floor, and BOOK IT.

Put your phone away. Make eye contact with them. They need to know you're aware.

I should Periscope our park trip. So I'm "live" if anything went down. Thanks, social media!

I miss the innocence of never assuming the worst, or never "going there" in my mind. I'm working on reminding myself daily that I'm smart, aware, and God didn't give me a spirit of fear... and also trying to identify when this intensified so greatly? Being a mother has made it worse, for sure. Life means so much more now that I have two sets of beautiful blue/gray eyes staring up and me expectantly.

I don't want them to get my anxious tendencies. I don't want to go to bed at night with my mind buzzing with all the crazy things happening in the world. I can feel my heart relax as I repeat "Jesus. Jesus" and move on with my day. His name truly does bring peace. Perfect peace... peace peace. 

I vow to skip past the news as often as I can, and savor the good news happening around me daily. Stop DVRing The First 48, and read more books.

To the park we go, past the possible criminals and to the swings.

Do you guys think too much or too often about the big, crazy world we live in? What helps you to remain centered, confident, and focused on the positive that surrounds you?

2015 Resolutions

Resolutions are soooooo early 2000's.

But seriously, I don't make resolutions. Maybe because I can never keep them, but this year I've officially changed my outlook on them. I saw a photo of a girl that went to her favorite grocery store to stock up on her greens (she's a health/food blogger, so this wasn't a "resolution" for her) and the store was COMPLETELY OUT OF SALAD.

Out of salad.

How is that even possible?

Oh, I know. Because everyone and their mom vows to get healthy as a new year dawns?

That's what I hate. I know it's just the sense of a "starting point" that people need. Heck, I start a new "clean eating plan"... every Monday ;) But, I do it every Monday of every week of the entire year (minus a few weeks where I do what I want because, for example, I'm 58 weeks pregnant). But we would be so much more fulfilled if we picked a goal for the year, and worked crazily toward it for 52 weeks straight.

I decided my goal this year is going to be purpose.

I want to live a life of purpose. I want my words, actions and plans to be on purpose. I don't want to stumble into anything if I can help it; I want to measure my actions and then set out with ambition and intent.

I want to plan my meals... on purpose. So I don't just get overwhelmed and call for thai food all week, instead.

I want to rock my baby to sleep and pray with him after we sing a few songs... purposefully. I don't want to pray when I remember, or when I need one more thing to do before his eyes get heavy enough that I can set him down. I want to be purposeful and intentional in our bedtime routine, because I want him to remember that "mama prayed" when he's sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old.

I want to be purposeful in my marriage. I want to go out of my way to speak positive, life-giving words to my husband - because I know that is what builds him up. I want to intentionally plan dates and time together, so it doesn't just get set aside in light of our busy lives. With purpose, I can combat any obstacle that gets thrown in our path. If I'm living intentionally, our path will be carved out and clear.

What about you?

What is your plan for 2015?

So, this is awkward...

I got a little bit behind on my "Every Day In May", and I just quit blogging.

Like, quit. Cold turkey.

This explains so much about me. I get overwhelmed, and I just give up. I get anxious, and I run away. Instead of tackling something that looms over my head, I pick up my phone and tackle the next level of Candy Crush instead, blatantly ignoring what I should be doing.

Every Day In May: Day 16

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.

I'm going to be brutally honest here: something difficult that I work to overcome is my husband's job. That sounds bad, but let me make it worse: my husband works for our church.

Every Day In May: Day 7

I used to be able to answer today's blog topic with a resounding and emphatic: "CHILDBIRTH."

If you're guessing today's topic to be: "what in life are you most looking forward to?" you'd be dead wrong. Nope, in fact: completely the opposite. Childbirth was my single-most greatest fear. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant last April, I cried... and it took a few days before they became tears of joy.

Ok, weeks.

But anyway, I cried because I was terribly afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. It seemed impossible.
But, it wasn't. And, ironically enough, it's now what I consider to be my greatest accomplishment.

So, today I'm supposed to talk about what I'm most afraid of.

I don't like to give my fears a face, so I'm not going to.

I will say this: I spend a lot of extra time talking to God about my health, the health of my precious son and husband, and the health of my family and friends. I spend a lot of time thanking God for complete and total wholeness in me and in all of those I love, and for the long life I've yet to experience. I thank God that my days on this earth will be long and full of blessing, and that I will grow old with my husband and children by my side. I thank Him for not giving me a spirit of fear, but of power. And of love. And of a sound mind.

I am at my very best when I believe every single promise of God, even if there are days when I struggle to do so. Some days, I Google things I shouldn't, or I worry about what I would do if _______ (fill in the blank here). I worry. I worry too much, when there's no reason to.

I am healthy. My husband is healthy. My baby boy is healthy. My parents are healthy, my friends are healthy, my family is healthy and happy. 

The funny thing about God's promises: the more you repeat them, the more you believe them. And the more you believe them, the healthier you become - spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. Which, is my greatest goal in life.

Every Day In May: Day 4

Today, we're talking about Favorite Quotes. I'm horrible at having "favorite things". Everything is my favorite.

So, I cheated. I went online to Good Reads, and I found quotes from some The Shack. I have a love/hate relationship with The Shack. I won't go into detail in this post as to why I have a love/hate relationship with The Shack, because I know some people that are still reading the book, and I already accidentally ruined it for one friend, but I will say... I was tremendously torn when I finished the book.

I was haunted, and moved. I was angry and emotional. I can go into why, later.

I thought the book was really beautifully written. Here are some of my favorite quotes from within those chapters (courtesy of Good Reads).

“Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes, they are the best words the heart can speak.”

“I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing. And I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.”

“All I want from you is to trust Me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda.”

“Sometimes honesty can be incredibly messy."

“Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship.”

“So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it.”

(When Jesus is asked if all roads lead to Him): "Not at all. Most roads don't lead anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you.”

“Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself: to serve.”

“You don't play a game or color a picture with a child to show your superiority. Rather, you choose to limit yourself so as to facilitate and honor that relationship."

“Paradigms power perceptions, perceptions power emotions.”

“Don't forget that in the midst of all your pain and heartache, you are surrounded by beauty, the wonder of creation, art, your music and culture, the sounds of laughter and love, of whispered hopes and celebrations, of new life and transformation, of reconciliation and forgiveness.”

And lastly (this one is especially scripturally sound and BLEW MY MIND to read it in this way):

“Evil is a word we use to describe the absence of Good, just as we use the word darkness to describe the absence of Light or death to describe the absence of Life. Both evil and darkness can only be understood in relation to Light and Good; they do not have any actual existence. I am Light and I am Good. I am Love, and there is no darkness in me. Light and Good actually exist. So, removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness. Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can only draw upon yourself. That is death because you have separated yourself from me: Life.”

  I love all of these quotes because I love things that make me think. Ponder may actually be a better word; I sat in my bed long after I'd closed the book, and just PONDERED life and my relationship with God and those I love. And I adore anything and everything would evoke that sort of emotion.

It is yours for the taking.

¹⁰ The LORD your God will delight in you if you obey his voice and keep the commands and decrees written in this Book of Instruction, and if you turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and soul. ¹¹ “This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach. ¹² It is not kept in heaven, so distant that you must ask, ‘Who will go up to heaven and bring it down so we can hear it and obey?’ ¹³ It is not kept beyond the sea, so far away that you must ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to bring it to us so we can hear it and obey?’ ¹⁴ No, the message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it. Deuteronomy 30:10-14

I love how simple God makes it for us. It's not hard. It's not rocket-science. It's right in the palm of our hand, and all we have to do it take it. :)

Beautiful Words

One of the qualities of faith, is expectation. Faith always expects. Faith always moves towards it's goal. - Rev Marvin Winans, at Whitney Houston's funeral

Friday Devotion

Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom—it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. (James 3)