Back To Center

Last night was a small but much-needed mommy night out. I forget how well I do with just a few hours to recharge. I met a friend, Colleen, and we got pretty fall manicures, and then went around the corner to a local bar for some food and drinks... Because when don't I need to bring food and drinks into the mix?

So many jewel tones, not enough time. I went with #92 - Down To Earth.
It's a beautiful camo-green!

It's a lot, working from home and raising two babies. I find it hard to separate the two sometimes. Too often, I treat my babies like tasks, or only give them my very divided attention - and it leaves me feeling completely sad, and like I've failed as a mom and employee. Is this what working from home is supposed to accomplish?

Simon Pierce - 8 months old & Porter Alan - 2.5 years old

No. Working from home gives me the chance to be there for moments like this... When they're crawling around together and laughing and exploring and just being brothers. Moments like this make the "sharpie on the carpet/nap strikes/food strikes/must have apple juice NOW" moments far less important.

But, the crazy moments also remind me quickly that I'm human... I'm an adult human. I'm not the kid that runs away from her problems anymore, I have to face them head on. When I'm feeling deflated and tired and just worn down, I have to deal with that like an adult. And since I've made the decision to not deal with my problems by acting out (partying, drinking, drugs, anger), I have to discover new ways to face and conquer the challenges in my life, in the moment. Because let's be honest: mommy nights out can't happen every night. Ha.

• Perspective. That's my biggest tool. Remembering those fleeting moments when Simon was two months old and we thought he was blind, or worse, that his body was filled with disease. Those were big issues. The fact that he wants me to hold him all day? Not an issue. An inconvenience, I guess, but not an issue. I see so many posts these days about accidents, and disease, and families truly facing the worst possible heartache... so my perspective shifts. I remember how blessed we are, and that I need to not act like my life is falling apart because Porter wants to drum his heart out while I'm on a phone call for work. God forbid, we could face some true challenges someday - but we're not. And I am so grateful and appreciative of the His hand on our lives.

• Prayer. I don't really have much to say about this, except for that I'm constantly trying to give it to God. I'm waiting for Him to throw up His hands like "Girl, no", but it hasn't happened yet. Hallelujah. My God is great.

• Mommy time-outs. Those are moments that I just lock myself in the laundry room for a minute to regain my composure so I don't say or do something I shouldn't. This works sometimes, too.

• IPads. Those have been my saving grace these days, when I'm not riddled with guilt for shoving an electronic in my son's hands and allowing him to zone out on Kid's YouTube. But when I have to get something done, necessity trumps all else, and he gets to watch creepy tutorials of grown adults opening eggs and talking in Disney voices.

• Reality Checks. For example: my husband is not the enemy because he has a job outside the home. I could go back to work outside the home, too, so I have to remind myself not to be a brat because I've made the decision not to. I'm guilty of making him feel like less of a parent because he "doesn't have to hear it all day long" as Porter rages about not being able to eat chili for breakfast. It doesn't make it any less annoying for Paul when he's home in the mornings, does it?

What are ways that you bring yourself back to center,
so you have the focus and energy to conquer your day?

The Chocolate Cake Confession

Confession: it's been a bad day with Porter. He's discovered that he can scream at the top of his lungs; like, the kind of scream that will make you lose your voice. So, today, he's been sobbing and screaming and snotty and basically I am convinced he hates me. It sounds like he's being tortured or something. And for no reason... picking him up doesn't help. Blowing raspberries on his little feet doesn't help. Offering him a snack doesn't help. Nothing. Helps.

So, I finally got him to sleep this afternoon, and ate a piece of chocolate cake for lunch. Yep. Chocolate cake for lunch. With thick, fudgey frosting and a layer of frosting in the middle of the cake.

There was nothing organic OR whole about it. Nothing. Except for that the whole piece went into my mouth.

I'm not sorry. Not even a little bit.

Thanks for reading. How is your Monday going?

Salted Caramel Fail: How Is This Even Possible?

Time for a confession.

I would eat YOU if you were covered in salted caramel.

It's scary and sad, but it's true. I will never turn down salted caramel anything. Cupcakes, frozen yogurt, candles. So, when I saw that International Delight was coming out with a Salted Caramel coffee creamer, I debated setting up camp outside of the grocery store until I was able to get my hands on it. Joy. Unspeakable joy.

So, the other day, I saw it. Glimmering under fluorescent store lights like a small piece of heaven, brought down to earth. Via Safeway.

This bad boy was in my hands, then in my cart, then in my coffee within an hour. I made a cup of coffee immediately when I got home. I took a sip. As I awaited the angels singing, I was overwhelmed by the taste of... plastic. Salty plastic.

The creamer -- my beloved creamer, the highlight of my holiday season thus far -- was disgusting.

How could it be? Heart. BROKEN.

I don't really have anything else to say, except for that I am sad. I am sad, but I am oh so thankful for the steadfastness of my Peppermint Mocha creamer that was on call in my fridge, waiting to save the day.

I even encouraged my sister to try the Salted Caramel creamer, thinking maybe I put too much in my coffee (I tend to do that). She only added a dash to the her cup, but she came to the same conclusion as me: it's officially gross.

Has anyone else tried this guy yet? Do you agree, or am I crazy?

Tears.

So, this is awkward...

I got a little bit behind on my "Every Day In May", and I just quit blogging.

Like, quit. Cold turkey.

This explains so much about me. I get overwhelmed, and I just give up. I get anxious, and I run away. Instead of tackling something that looms over my head, I pick up my phone and tackle the next level of Candy Crush instead, blatantly ignoring what I should be doing.

Morbid Confession Monday

I titled this like I have more than one morbid confession. I don't. At least, I don't think I do. I suppose you should stay tuned. Please still be my friends, I promise I'm optimistic and lifegiving 99% of the time. Ok, 79%.

Anyway. Here it is: I used to create the next day's newspaper headlines in my head, if I found myself in a situation that is less than desirable. It started out as a funny habit, like if I was with my friends and they did something ridiculous.

Pretty Brunette and Preppy Blonde Bail Fashionable Asian Friend From Jail; Local Store Associates Say Uggs were Stuffed Full of Nail Polish

Then, it started to happen when I was freaked out. Like when I'm home alone: Husband Out of Town; Young Wife Kidnapped From Home. I will then jump out of bed and recheck the doors for the fifteenth time, just to be sure I locked them correctly.

When I'm walking to my car late at night, alone, in the dark: Young Woman Attacked In Nordstrom Parking Lot; Police Have No Suspects.

I mean, who does that!?

I try to keep myself focused on happy thoughts, since, you know... it's probably not healthy to be plotting my trials via headlining news. But lately, I try to do it for happy scenarios too: Baby Sleeps For Thirteen Hours; Family Says Mom Is Rested and Confused!

Local Woman Eats Her Body Weight In Holiday Reese's; Wakes Up 10lbs Lighter, Thanks Breastfeeding

Young Woman Breaks World Record: 36+ Hours Playing iPhone Solitaire!

Do you have any weird or embarrassing habits?

I want to host SNL.

Have you SEEN the way they make the hosts look in those amazing photos?

I mean. Flawless.

Melissa McCarthy looks like she should be a model. HELLO. Love, love, love these pics. So fun.