Roller Coaster Inspiration

The day faded into night, and Paul and I were like the only two people in the world.

I get it now - how people warn you not to "lose yourself" when you become a mom.

I was always so much fun. People knew me back then (ok, they probably still do) as loud and a little obnoxious. I never fell asleep first, always down for anything. I loved to have fun and make people laugh, and those were pretty much my only two missions on a daily basis.

Now, with two littles and trying to figure out this whole motherhood thing on a daily basis, that Corianne has changed... evolved... so much. I'm far more worried about health and safety and how often my kids have bowel movements (I mean...) than I am about happy hours and being social and people liking me. I'm much more serious, and a lot less spontaneous, and that made me a little sad. I thought about it on this night, as I realized how much I missed... me.

I was crazily aware of this contrast as we sprinted/danced through the fairgrounds, under the sparkling lights, trying to decide if we wanted to make ourselves throw up on El Nino, or just go classic fun and do the old white roller coaster... we chose both. The coaster was amazing - I drive by it every day, and I had forgotten about how free you feel when you're in the front of the cart and diving through the darkness with perfect strangers behind you. I thought about how years have weighed me down, and they shouldn't. Why do we let them? I felt like the roller coaster helped to throw off some of that weight that I'd been holding onto so carefully. Is that silly?

I got in trouble for swinging on the swings last night, just like I did in sixth grade, and it felt so good. I thought about Porter, and how he would probably LOVE this mommy... the fun, giggling, rulebreaking mom that was very much present and living in the moment. I thought about Paul, whose hand I was holding, and how he fell in love and proposed marriage to that girl. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't love every phase of me, but I think he really loved remembering who I was at the core, and that I'm still very much the obnoxious, silly, spontaneous girl that drew him in. You know, aside from all the anxious worrying and Googling flu symptoms (really, why do I do that - I was never a worrier before I became a mom).

Life is all about balance. I admit, I'm not very good at that part yet. I need to find a better balance between being a responsible and graceful mom and a fun-loving spontaneous wife and friend. I can be responsible and spontaneous. I can be organized and fun loving.

Now that I'm keenly aware of this, I can work toward becoming the best version of myself.

How do you find balance? How has being a mom changed you?

Get Lost

This weekend, Paul and I got out and drove.

It wasn't intentional, until it was. We were planning on just running out to get coffee, maybe stop by the Farmer's Market... but then we found ourselves one kid down (Porter spent the morning with Grammy and Opa), so we packed up our sleeping 4 month old into the truck and just drove.

We drove past the Farmer's Market (which was SO PACKED. That's what happens when it's a sunny Saturday in Washington... everyone decides to get out and be active, ha), we stopped quickly by the post office and then Starbucks, and then we just kept driving. We went down the valley and into a small town called Orting. We were going to stop for an early lunch at a cute cafe or bakery, but we didn't see any that looked worthwhile (sorry, Orting). So, we kept driving. We drove through Orting and the further we drove, the more tranquil and peaceful the setting became. Rolling countryside, farms, evergreens, blue skies, whispy clouds... and we began to talk.

One thing about Paul and I: we have opposite communication styles, especially in regards to conflict. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to go to grab a dessert at a local diner, so we left the kids with the grandparents after they were in bed, and ran off to get milkshakes. I was feeling so excited - an impromptu date night! - only to find out when I got there and settled that Paul had decided this was an ideal time to unload all his grievances. How he was feeling - about life, about kids, about the aftermath of Simon's health issues, about me. Had I been SET UP? It completely overwhelmed me.

I was ANGRY. I immediately got on the defense and refused to hear anything he said. I know he was frustrated with my reaction, because in his mind - he thought he was doing a good thing. Taking me out, getting us on neutral ground, putting ice cream in my face, and then telling me how he was feeling about life.

All I could see was him working hard to devise a scheme to catch me off guard and OMGHOWSELFISHANDANNOYINGISTHAT.

Needless to say, the convo didn't go great. I cried, he back-peddled, we accomplished nothing. We did talk more that night, when we got home, and I was able to explain to him how I felt a little "tricked" and that I wish he would have come to me and said: "Hey, babe, I want to chat about some stuff - nothing too serious, but just some things on my heart. Let's go get ice cream." (For those of you that know my husband, that's not weird - he would and has totally approached conflict like this before).

ANYWAY. After the whole Fake Date Fiasco, we found ourselves alone (not counting a snoozing 4 months old) in the car and driving through gorgeous countryside. The sun was beaming. John Mayer was on the radio. Naturally, we began to talk. No phones, no agenda. I asked questions out of curiosity, and not out of anger. He gave me honest and heartfelt answers. He asked questions. I analyzed, and gave heartfelt answers. We accomplished a lot, but better than anything - we just talked. It was so nice to reconnect on an emotional level, without the drama of a fight or a "come to Jesus" meeting of the minds.

When was the last time you truly connected with your spouse? Was it forced, or organic? Did you listen, or did you do all the talking?

Just like I think investing into date nights and alone time is so important for married couples, especially when you have kids (it's still a non-negotiable for us!), communication is also key. It doesn't have to be a fancy date away... you can literally get in the car and drive into unfamiliar territory, get lost, and focus on nothing but each other.

We were both so refreshed after our drive, and we had come up with a fun game plan for a few realistic dreams we have for our family... all because we chose to take a couple hours and just get lost with each other.

How To Be Happy Forever: Maintaining Date Nights

It's Monday.

Mondays are my favorite. When Paul and I got married, we honeymooned in Mexico, and on a long, hot walk to the closest Starbucks (it's incredible, the lengths that Seattleites will go to get a Starbucks coffee; I mean, our timeshare was in rather shady part of of Los Cabos. On our drive in from the airport, we literally witnessed a man get out of his truck in the middle of traffic, walk to the car behind him, pull out the driver and start beating him relentlessly. I'm not kidding. In the middle of traffic, and people just kept driving by. No rubbernecking, no police. It was just... normal. I wanted to die. And yeah. We walked to Starbucks two days later, down that same street. Like two animals.)

Anyway (clearly I wander off topic quite easily): Mondays. My favorite. On that long, hot walk to for an iced Americano and an iced vanilla latte, only days after we said "I do", we talked about the importance of maintaining a date night. We were bound and determined to never be "that couple": the ones that somehow let themselves go. It starts by postponing a date night, and then it's an uphill battle from there. It starts with a cancelled date night, and then before you know it, you can't remember the last time you sat across the table from each other, talking about your first kiss, or laughing about the day you found out you were pregnant and how you broke down in tears and sat in corner of your bedroom crying about how much it was going to hurt.

No? Just me? Anyway. Back on track:

We promised - pinky swore, even - to always, always, always honor our date night. Even if we had no plans, or were saving money, or were homebound with a newborn... date night would always be Monday, and it would always be a priority. I'm not sure why we picked Monday, but I'm almost positive it had something to do with the fact that Mondays have a bad rep... so we decided to give them a little dose of happy. You're welcome, Monday.

Since we've became parents, we've found time to slip away on Mondays. For a Target run. A Costco trip (like tonight). Out to sushi, or to the mall to browser Nordstrom or H&M for clothes that we don't need but will probably buy anyway. Whatever we do, wherever we are... Mondays are ours.

Sure, we've missed a couple. We've had Monday night work meetings that we couldn't get out of, or a girlfriend's birthday dinner that was required, or a football game that just had to be viewed out and about with the guys. But we try our hardest to plan those times in advance, so we can move our date night to another night that week.

I'm happy that it's 2013, almost three years later, and Mondays are still ours. And they probably always will be.