Roller Coaster Inspiration

The day faded into night, and Paul and I were like the only two people in the world.

I get it now - how people warn you not to "lose yourself" when you become a mom.

I was always so much fun. People knew me back then (ok, they probably still do) as loud and a little obnoxious. I never fell asleep first, always down for anything. I loved to have fun and make people laugh, and those were pretty much my only two missions on a daily basis.

Now, with two littles and trying to figure out this whole motherhood thing on a daily basis, that Corianne has changed... evolved... so much. I'm far more worried about health and safety and how often my kids have bowel movements (I mean...) than I am about happy hours and being social and people liking me. I'm much more serious, and a lot less spontaneous, and that made me a little sad. I thought about it on this night, as I realized how much I missed... me.

I was crazily aware of this contrast as we sprinted/danced through the fairgrounds, under the sparkling lights, trying to decide if we wanted to make ourselves throw up on El Nino, or just go classic fun and do the old white roller coaster... we chose both. The coaster was amazing - I drive by it every day, and I had forgotten about how free you feel when you're in the front of the cart and diving through the darkness with perfect strangers behind you. I thought about how years have weighed me down, and they shouldn't. Why do we let them? I felt like the roller coaster helped to throw off some of that weight that I'd been holding onto so carefully. Is that silly?

I got in trouble for swinging on the swings last night, just like I did in sixth grade, and it felt so good. I thought about Porter, and how he would probably LOVE this mommy... the fun, giggling, rulebreaking mom that was very much present and living in the moment. I thought about Paul, whose hand I was holding, and how he fell in love and proposed marriage to that girl. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't love every phase of me, but I think he really loved remembering who I was at the core, and that I'm still very much the obnoxious, silly, spontaneous girl that drew him in. You know, aside from all the anxious worrying and Googling flu symptoms (really, why do I do that - I was never a worrier before I became a mom).

Life is all about balance. I admit, I'm not very good at that part yet. I need to find a better balance between being a responsible and graceful mom and a fun-loving spontaneous wife and friend. I can be responsible and spontaneous. I can be organized and fun loving.

Now that I'm keenly aware of this, I can work toward becoming the best version of myself.

How do you find balance? How has being a mom changed you?

Fair Daze

What do I love about the fair?

I think the easier question is: what DON'T I love about the fair (people. The answer is people. People in massive, ignorant crowds wearing stuff they shouldn't be wearing, smoking cigarette where they shouldn't be smoking them, and being otherwise oblivious to the world around them). But THE FAIR in general is everything. It's the mark of the end of summer, and the pending transition to fall - my favorite transition of all. It's temperatures dipping into "sweater weather", and rain boots being dusted off. It's the smell of hay and sawdust and bright, colorful lights. It's people selling Vitamixes, massage chairs, lotion made from magical fairy dusty, and homemade wooden signs in the Expo Hall. It's disgusting foods like deep-fries Twinkies (I definitely refuse to order. Even I have limits), weird foods like turkey legs, and classic foods like corn on the cob (but smothered in hot sauce and dusted with parmesan cheese) It's the only place you can order ice cream, and then walk through a booth that shows you how germ-filled your hands are. I MEAN. Education.

Close to number one on the list of LOVE, for me, are Krusty Pups. There is something about a fresh fair corn dog that is SO nostalgic. As you can see, I'm still working on Porter. He took a few bites, but he turned up his cute little nose at my offer to dip it in mustard (I know, who's kid is this?) and requested ketchup with french fries, instead.

The breading is sweet, and the best part about the whole thing is the crispy, burnt bottom that you have to bite off the stick. SOME OF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. And some of you are clicking off my page and increasing my bounce rate. Whatever. You're probably the same monsters that turn up your nose at burnt cheese.

ANYWAY. We went on opening day this year, and I'm hoping to go back one more time before it heads out of town. Porter and his buddy Lincoln rode all the rides and were in heaven. It was hotter than hades, and Simon was miserable in the Ergo - but Porter fell in love.

I totally get Sillyville now. It's the kids area at our state fair that I used to avoid like the plague because EW KIDS. But now? It's totally magical when you have kids of your own. Within minutes, they are a cowboy riding a pony, a pilot flying a helicopter, a train conductor, and a bird sailing down the huge slide faster than they've ever gone before. Their little imaginations run wild, and for only the lofty price of a few tickets.

These are my favorite times, for sure. What are your favorite fair memories?

Q&A a Day

I bought this for Christmas (for myself, haha) and I'm so excited to keep this up.

In the land of technological takeover, it's weird and somewhat exciting to buy a handwritten keepsake. I'm excited to give this to my boys someday. I know that I loved reading my mom's words... she had a journal like this that she was filling out for me and my sister. It talked about her childhood, growing up, her feelings. I used to sneak into her bedroom and pull it off the shelf to see if she'd updated it at all. She didn't write in it too often, but I always held out hope that there would be a new entry. Something about the swirly printed writing was so comforting.

I hope she still has the book and has been secretly updating to give to me someday. I would love to have that as a keepsake, and although boys are assumed to be a little less sentimental abut stuff like this, I know Paul would cherish a possession like this... so I'm sure our boys will be the same way!

Quick Weeknight Dinner (Trust Me, You Want This Recipe On Hand)

Make this next time it's 5pm and you realized you forgot to plan anything for dinner. (Like, daily for me)

Korean Beef & Rice

I just made it for lunch because I had everything on hand, and omg... it was so good.

Some healthy substitutions I did:

• Use coconut aminos or organic tamari instead of soy
• Use less brown sugar. I did barely 1/4 cup; some versions of this recipe call for up to 1/2 cup... just don't, it's too sweet (in my opinion).
• Use ground turkey instead of beef

M•A•C Attack!

Today we spent some time wandering around the lamest mall in my state (seriously), and I took advantage of being the only girl in our little family of three and escaped to the Mac store while my boys looked at hats (snooooooooooze).

I meant to just go in to buy Ruby Woo, really, I did.

But I was the only one in the store, and I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the brightly lit and terribly unflattering mirrors (you guys know that they do this on purpose, right? Those mirrors are formulated to make anything other than a Mac-encrusted face look absolutely awful). My dark circles were screaming, even under a layer of Loreal TrueMatch and NYC Bronzer... I know. I'm a walking drugstore-makeup-billboard.

I needed to fix this.

I've heard nothing but amazing things about their Pro Longwear Concealer, so I caved and made friends with the Mac girl. She nodded knowingly when I mentioned "dark circles" and "new mom", and pulled me over to a seat where she showed me the miraculous concealer.

As she dabbed it under my eyes and I watched in fascination ... the dark circles faded away within seconds. It's now four hours later, and they are still nowhere to be seen. Can I get an AMEN? I got so excited she cleaned off my whole face and applied a full face of concealer and foundation.

This is a bathroom selfie I took during Porter's bath time (don't worry, he was safe. Calm down, Mom Police). I'm wearing nothing but some concealer, and some foundation -- and this is about four hours after the initial application.

Oh yeah. I also bought the foundation because I was so thrilled with the concealer. I was all "gimme allllllll the products"!

I probably would have bought more, but Paul and Porter showed up from the hat store and I had to stop. :(

My Mac Haul

Pro Longwear Foundation -- NC20 (aka PALE)

Pro Longwear Concealer -- NW 20 (aka, WHITE LIGHTENING/GETRIDOFMYCIRCLES)

Ruby Woo Retro Matte Lipstick (not shown)

Cherry Lip Pencil (not shown)

What else should I buy on my next "I just need to pick up one lipstick" outing?

My Pregnancy Icon

If I looked like this when I was pregnant, I would be pregnant for the rest of my life. Seriously, she ROCKS THE BUMP.

That's all.

This has been a post.

Date Night With Myself

Last night, I took myself out.

It's been a rough week in the Burton home. Paul is sick with the flu, Porter was sick and is now on the road to recovery, and I desperately needed a moment to breathe. So, I sent Porter with Grammy and Opa to clean the clinic, made sure Paul was comfortable on the couch, and I left.

I drove out to Ulta and spent a good hour pouring over all the makeup and hair products and curling irons I could handle. I bought another new sea salt spray, a new BB cream, about forty new concealers (#momprobs), and then I took myself to the only coffee stand that was open at 8:30pm and got an iced white almond-milk mocha. At 8:30pm. Clearly, I am sleep and sugar-deprived.

Anyone who asked (the girls at Ulta, the barista) what I was up to, I gave them my current life story: "I HAVE A ONE YEAR OLD AND A SICK HUSBAND AND I NEEDED SOME TIME TO MYSELF." I was met with knowing and sympathetic smiles from the Ulta girls and a semi-confused and totally-alarmed smile from the eighteen year old barista, but I didn't care. It's reality, sweetheart, take notes.

I swear by hair night, and now I swear by Ulta-sprees. I don't think Paul agrees, because he almost died when I handed him the receipt (followed quickly but a bottle of new hair product for him to try, because I love him and I'm smart like that: never return from a shopping spree without something for your spouse. I learned this the hard way.)

Life Lessons: Make Hair Day Happen

I love me some hair day. Mamas... make the time. Even if it's a stretch; save some money on coffee for a couple weeks and go get your hair done. Or, get a facial. Or maybe a massage. Maybe even all three.

Do something for you. You deserve it. It's so important to invest in ourselves; to make ourselves feel better. This came after a full day being covered in baby vomit, guys... I needed a night off badly. We spend so much time trying to figure out what's going on inside those little heads that we kiss day in and day out that a few hours with nothing to do but sit back and let someone fix you up is absolute heaven. It helps you to recharge, maybe without even realizing it. 

I had nothing to think about except for which shade of blonde I wanted my ombre to be.

Um, awesome.

The Chocolate Cake Confession

Confession: it's been a bad day with Porter. He's discovered that he can scream at the top of his lungs; like, the kind of scream that will make you lose your voice. So, today, he's been sobbing and screaming and snotty and basically I am convinced he hates me. It sounds like he's being tortured or something. And for no reason... picking him up doesn't help. Blowing raspberries on his little feet doesn't help. Offering him a snack doesn't help. Nothing. Helps.

So, I finally got him to sleep this afternoon, and ate a piece of chocolate cake for lunch. Yep. Chocolate cake for lunch. With thick, fudgey frosting and a layer of frosting in the middle of the cake.

There was nothing organic OR whole about it. Nothing. Except for that the whole piece went into my mouth.

I'm not sorry. Not even a little bit.

Thanks for reading. How is your Monday going?

Our Beautiful Mess: For All The Moms

Yesterday, we had our first MOPS meeting of the year! I can't believe, for one, that I have a child and can now attend meetings like this. It's so surreal.

We were so lucky to hear from Nicole Moore... she was our first speaker of the year! Nichole is an amazing wife, mother and teacher. She is on staff at my church, and every time she speaks, I always find myself completely wrapped up in every word she's saying. She's so poised and well-spoken; one of those women that truly feels like they have it all together. Well, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear her speak of her mistakes, the lessons she's learned, and what she misses most about the earlier stages of motherhood. I took amazing notes, so I thought I would share this with you all, too.

I hope there's something here that resounds with you.

• Take time to play. A kid isn't a task to be managed. Sometimes, work can wait. Sometimes, the agenda can be paused. Sometimes, you can put off your responsibilities to take a few extra moments playing with your little one, because those are the moments that mean the most.
• There's a book for that. Resource yourself. We are so blessed to have blogs, websites and books galore. If you're dealing with something, rest assured that someone else has (or is!) too.
• This too shall pass. It won't last forever. The tantrums, the teething, the never-ending diapers... soon enough, you'll be driving your baby to high school, and wondering where the time went. Cherish the present, because in no time, it will become a memory.
• Nobody will ever take your place. Your personal standards will become your child's standards. Your kids are a reflection of you. Is what I am transferring into the life of this little being? If it is, and you don't like what you're seeing, it's not too late to change that. Growing yourself is the greatest gift you can give to your kids.
• The golden rule is for you, too. Being the boss doesn't mean you can treat your kids however you want. Speak kindly. If you want your kids to restrain emotion, then you need to restrain YOURS. Show respect to your little person.

• Never lose yourself. We let our identity become wrapped up in being a mother. A mother is not all that you are. You're a sister. A friend. A wife. Never lose sight of that. We need to recharge every once and awhile, too.
• Failure isn't the end, it's the beginning. Acknowledge and learn from your mistakes, and move the heck on.
• Create a safe place where no conversation is off limits. If you act hypersensitive about something, your kids will not feel safe talking to you about it. If you shame them, they will not feel safe to open up.
• The future is now. Children are little people who are out of control of themselves, and attempting to control everyone around them. Help them develop character that will help their future go well. The patterns that children establish early in life becomes their character. And their character is their destiny.
• The days are long, but the years are short. Cherish every single day.

I'm Not The Only One

My son went from sleeping a solid 7 or 8 hours at a time, to waking every few hours to nurse. AKA, teething. Most of the time, I don't mind at all. I stumble into his room, cuddle up with him in our recliner and nurse for a few minutes, and he passes back out within 5 minutes or so. I stumble back into bed, and get a beautiful couple of hours of sleep before it happens again.

I'm grateful for social media. Last night was a special case; Porter woke up several times, and then was up and ready to party at 6:30am. Which is the worst, since I have to be up at 7. I mean, can you not just sleep 30 more minutes so I can, too? I promise, you're not missing anything. Anyway, social media. I'm grateful for it. In those wee hours of the morning, I peruse Facebook and Instagram, and the best comfort in the world is seeing posts at 4am from my friends and their little ones. Up for the day, tearing things out of cabinets; sleepy smiles and crazy hair... and cute kiddos, too ;)

I had this revelation as I laid Porter back down for his morning nap. As a mom, sometimes I feel guilty for wishing this time away. I know he will sleep through the night sooner than later. Someday, I will have to drag him out of bed. Drag him to church. I'll look back on those precious days when my little one was up at the crack of dawn, laughing to himself and wanting to play with his mama, and I'll miss it, of course. Sobering reality check.

And then, there's the mamas that never get to experience this phase of life with their babies. I'm following a few blogs right now of moms with very sick babies, and it literally rips my heart in two. 

God, do I thank you enough for perfect health? Because I truly am so grateful. It's the thing in my life I am most grateful for. I don't take it for granted, ever; I am in awe of Your hand on our lives, always.

Confessions of a Work-At-Home Mom

Sometimes I feel like working from home is the hardest thing in the world.

I'll pause here, so all the working moms can angrily exit my blog and remove me from their Google Reader.

Oh good, you're still here? Let me explain.

When my husband gets home, and I'm still wearing yoga pants and have not yet gotten into the shower, I feel so lazy. Granted, he never makes me feel this way, and it's absolutely something I put upon myself... but still. If I feel it about myself, it must be accurate, right?

I mean, I haven't even thought about dinner, the house is a disaster, and I look like I just woke up. I wonder if I'm ever going to be the supermom that manages to make it all happen and still look like I just stepped out of everyone's Pinterest board.

I mean... I work from home. Shouldn't I have ample time to cook and clean and decorate and run errands and meet my friends for coffee? But the truth is, there are times that I'm torn between being a great employee, and being a great mom. If I keep responding to this email and ignoring my child's incessant jabbering, is he going to remember that I'm more interested in what is on the computer than I am in what he's chattering about?

I have to pause here and take a few deep breaths. 

What did I accomplish today?

Target Run & Saturday Fun

Paul was busy doing some home improvements and Porter was sleeping in, so I flew out the door by myself to make a Target run for a baby shower I was headed to later in the afternoon.

I flew out the door.

By myself.

Those are two phrases that I definitely don't say often. Ok, maybe ever, anymore. 

Leaving the house takes planning and preparation, two things I'm not awesome at as it is. And by myself is just highly unlikely, which I'm ok with. My husband is my best friend, so I honestly enjoy doing stuff with him. And I missed Porter's chubby little cheeks (two sets) in the front of my shopping cart, yelling at me for a drink of my Starbucks while I ignore him and kiss his little nose.

Of course, I detoured through the clothing section, and ended up with two new purchases that were calling to me (Yep. Bought the same sweater in grey and orange). Do these not scream fall? And also, youshouldbuynewwedgebootiestoobecauseiwouldlookawesomewithfauxleatherleggings?

I came home with Starbucks for my hub and our friend, who were busy sheet-rocking the downstairs bathroom. Porter went down for a nap as soon as I got home, so I got ready for the baby shower, put together the shower gift (I even had the time and motivation to write some fun advice in my friend's card... WHAT? Normally I forget to even buy a card), cleaned up living room, lit some winter-y candles for the guys (I know they secretly appreciate wintery candles while football is on TV, no matter how much they roll their eyes), and left on time.

New winter candle and some valuable advice for my expecting mom-friend!

I know this seems uneventful, and even boring, but new moms can totally appreciate this: those days when everything just goes according to plans -- no blowouts, no nap strikes, no blueberries ground into the white carpet -- are worthy of a post.

A day like yesterday deserves it's own post, for sure. If I show the day the honor it deserves, maybe it won't be so shy to come around again. 

Like, tomorrow.

It's Monday. Please be gentle.

What is relaxation?

What does relaxation look like to you?

Image Source: We Heart It

...if I'm being honest.

Everyone's all "oh, green juice!" and "Raw, raw, raw!" and I'm all over here like... can I get a bubble bath in the dark with some McDonald's?

Oh, fine. If I'm being totally honest, I can't recall the last time I had McDonald's. But my inner child begs me to stop every time I drive by... then I remember the "coppery" taste of the hamburger meat, and I shudder and keep my mouth closed.

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post.

Now that I'm a mother, I find myself embracing every spare moment I can find "to myself". A trip to the bathroom is a vacation... I can't believe I'm saying that. I used to laugh at moms who said, that and now I'm totally that a mom.

An evening bubble bath, nowadays? Forget it. Heavenly!

So. What does relaxation look like to you?

Daily Adventures with Porter

I love that I get to spend the entire day with Porter. I'm so blessed to be a work-from-home mom.

However, I don't love that he likes to rip my stung lights off the wall before I can catch him, chew on my sandals (ew),  assume Lennon's dog food are the same as his sweet potato puffs, or clamp down his razor sharp new teeth on my newly-shellac'd nails, laughing as a I try to pry it out of his mouth without ruining my manicure.

On the bright side, I've gotten so much better at cleaning up as I go throughout the day - mainly because I really don't want my baby getting electrocuted, or eating whatever is stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

So... winning, really.

Porter's Wishlist

Ok, so, this is less "Porter's Wishlist", and more "Mommy's Wishlist". Dressing a boy is a lot of fun. I'll admit, the one thing I was sad about when I found out I was having a little guy is that I wouldn't get to dress him in vintage rose prints and pink-n-grey damask leggings under a buttery yellow tutu.

However.

Trends these days are making my boy-dressing-days extremely exciting. Chambray and clashing prints and baby designer jeans... yes, please. And seriously - unisex leggings? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Sometimes it's game. How many different prints can I put Porter in before it's "too much"? This weekend, he wore camo leggings, a vintage-looking Team USA Nordstrom tee, and a red/white striped beanie. That, with his big baby blues, and he was a little baby knockout.

Ugh. Have I mentioned how much I love my boy?

Take a look at some of my recent favorites for Porter: Nordstrom, Baby Gap, H&M, Old Navy Kids and Etsy are some of my favorite places to browse. And yes, I realize the jeans are technically for girls, but I'm just not convinced.

ON THE BOARD:

Moncler 'Patrick' Hooded Vest (Infant)
nordstrom.com

BOSS Kidswear Stripe Cardigan (Infant) Navy/ Grey 18M
nordstrom.com

Gap Chambray Anorak Pullover
gap.com

adidas 'Superstar 2' Crib Shoe (Infant)
nordstrom.com

Kids Baby Girl Size 4-24m
hm.com

Jellycat 'Bashful' Puppy Rattle
nordstrom.com

Hand printed organic kids leggings tribal print/ aztec print...
etsy.com

True Life: Sometimes I Forget I Have A Baby

I just practically skipped into my room, singing and dropping things (as per usual; my middle name should be "Grace"), forgetting that I had a sleeping child in there. 

He stirred slightly, I almost had a heart attack (pleaaaaaaaaase don't wake up), and then he drifted back off and we both went about our business.

Crisis averted. That was a close one.