Grown Up Things (Featuring Taylor Swift)

So, I didn't originally plan to include the Taylor Swift GIFS with this blog, but once I found one I wanted to use, I couldn't resist illustrating each point with my girl. I seriously couldn't stop.

So, Taylor and I now present to you: some ways I know I'm officially growing up.

1. I make macaroni and cheese how I wanna.
I remember following the directions on the box STEP BY STEP as a kid - each time, reading it carefully like it was the first time. Measuring milk and butter precisely, having to check the box with each ingredient to make sure I was reading it right. "Ok, a quarter cup of milk, right?" Well, I made macaroni and cheese last night for Porter, and I realized that I don't even know what the directions say anymore - I just know the suggested amount of milk makes it too dang runny, and I like it better with sour cream instead instead - it makes it thicker and more "homemade" tasting. Sometimes I mix in garlic salt, sometimes I add a can of tuna, last night I got a little crazy and stirred in some leftover shredded bbq chicken. I DO WHAT I WANT. I'm an adult.

2. I do shameful things, like eating in the parking lot.
The other day, I ran out to get Christmas shopping done and left the boys with Grammy and Opa. It was late, I hadn't eaten, and there is a Panera in the mall parking lot. So, I drove through and got a quinoa and lentil bowl and a mango smoothie, and I ate every last bit in the parking lot. Not because I needed alone time, or because I didn't want to share my food, but because I cannot physically eat and drive anymore. I would hurt someone. It's a hazard, and I know that now. So, I listened to Christmas music and savored every last bit in the parking lot before I went home. Not sorry. Just over here adulting.

3. Normal music offends me.
I don't need to add much to that. If they play it on MTV, I'm seriously horrified. I used to not care about lyrics, but as an adult, I find myself listening to every word and saying things like: "omg, did he really just say that?" This summer, coworkers asked me if I'd ever paid attention to the words to Usher's song "I Don't Mind". I hadn't heard it entirely, just the catchy "gotta make that monay, monay, monay..." to which I was like "yassss, Usher! We do gotta make that money!"*open laptop to begin my work as a report writer for a content management company*. So, Coworkers played it for me - and I almost passed out. 'scuse me?

4. My favorite plans are cancelled ones.
I love you all. I really do. But 80% of the time, if you have to back out or re-schedule, I'm not offended at all. That means I probably don't have to put on pants, or attempt to mask the dark circles under my eyes. But if you back out on a dinner date? I might defriend you for life. No one messes with my happy hours.

5. I wish someone would put me down for a nap.
As I lay my boys down each day, sometimes I fight jealousy. I would die for someone to tuck me in, kiss me on the forehead, and get upset with me if I got up. Maybe just once? It would be a dream.

My Favorite Posts

Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

These aren't so much my "favorites" as they are "posts that came up when I randomly searched my blog, and they made me laugh/cry.

10 Things That Make Me Really Happy

In no particular order:

1. When my son smiles at me. BEAMS, is actually more like it. It's crazy. I love that smile more than more things in this world. It's better than caffeine in the morning.
   
2. Speaking of caffeine: coffee from a mug makes me happy. I love a piping hot Starbucks like everyone else, but there's something about fresh coffee in a fun mug that makes the morning just that much better.
   
3. When my husband sings country music in his fake southern accent. I pretend to get annoyed, but I really, truly love it.
   
4. Snowfall. There's nothing more peaceful to me than a cold, dark winter night -- snow falling, lights twinkling, a glass of red wine or hot cocoa in my hand. It's seriously my happy place. I absolutely love the winter.
   
5. Rereading a verse in the Bible for the millionth time -- but hearing it in a whole new way, for the first time. It's amazing when that happens.
   
6. Baths. If I need a minute to myself, I will seriously run to draw a hot bubble bath and peruse Instagram or Twitter on my phone. Even if the bath only lasts for ten minutes, I feel brand new.
   
7. Going out to eat. I love dining out. I'm a foodie at heart. My husband and I have so much fun trying new restaurants or doing a random Yelp search for a rave review, and then finding out for ourselves. We've found some of our favorite spots and had the best date nights by perusing Yelp while driving aimlessly around Seattle.
   
8. Taking a lot of pictures. I always get annoyed with myself for snapping hundreds of photos, until I look back weeks, months or years later. Then, I'm so grateful.
   
9. Diving into a new TV show on Netflix or Hulu. And by diving in, I mean watching back-to-back-to-back episodes until we're caught up. Usually, full seasons in one sitting. Our newest obsession? Scandal. Uh-mazing.
   
10. Having nothing on the to do list. It's rare, and when it happens, I never forget to savor that moment.

Every Day In May: Day 3

Today I'm telling you all about things that make me uncomfortable.

Have a seat. There's nothing I love more than awkward, cringe-inducing lists.

• Opening gifts. I literally dread birthdays and Christmas if I think about gift-receiving. I mean, I love presents. But I hate opening them and having to react... even if it's a good gift! I mean, do I jump up and down like a ten year old so I can properly convey how much I like it? If I hate it, should I cry and then they will mistake my tears of disappointment for tears of sadness? Ugh. So awkward.
  
• Watching a movie with my family when a love scene comes on. I don't think I need to elaborate here, there's nothing comfortable about this. Absolutely nothing.
  
• People that don't respect personal my space. I don't need to be two inches from your face to engage in a serious conversation, and if I keep backing up, you don't need to keep inching forward. By the time we're done talking, we've completely moved rooms - and that's just weird.
  
• Singing your own lyrics or reading your own poem. You know those reality shows where a contestant whips out a piece of paper to read their potential love interest a poem they just wrote for them? I. Wanna. Die. Yuck.
  
• Going through metal detectors, or getting pulled over. Even though I know I'm not carrying an illegal weapon or stashing cocaine in my glovebox, I can't help but get completely nervous and awkward in these situations. What gives?
  
• When parents yell at their children in public. I don't know if this makes me uncomfortable as much as it makes my angry. Have some respect; for yourself, your child, and the people around you.
  
• Watching labor and delivery on TV. Even now that I've done it (fist pump!), I have to ignore it, walk away, or talk over the TV. It literally makes my insides ache.
  
• Smalltalk. Even if I know you really well, if we don't really have anything to talk about, I'm probably dying a little inside. And when you bring up the weather, I just have to walk away awkwardly to end the misery. I'm sorry in advance.
  
• WHEN PEOPLE TYPE SENTENCES IN ALL CAPS. Aesthetically, eww. And why are you yelling at me via the computer?!
  
• Secrets. I hate knowing something that I'm not allowed to share. That much power and control gives me anxiety.
  
• When Pastor tells us to turn to the person beside us to repeat something. This is my internal dialogue during service, when this happens: "Omgggg, but I have two sides! Well, we all do; so which do I choose - left or right?! And what if the person I turn to, turned to someone else?? So awkward!" So lately, I pretty much just use that time during the message to check Instagram.
• When I ask someone "how are you?" and they reply with, literally, everything that is wrong with their life today. Dude. It's just a formality.
  
• Soap opera acting.
  
• Food Network's Anne Burrell
  
• Talking on the phone. Omg. I had to add this one late, because I read it on someone else's list, and I think this has to be my #1. 9 times out of 10, the only reason I answer my phone is if my parents or husband are calling. Sometimes, I even ignore calls from my best friends. Truth. I don't know why talking on the phone makes me feel like I'm dying a slow, painful death. Awkward pauses, starting at the same time, talking over each other, barely understanding someone through their newest fancy, shmancy handsfree device. Ugh, just no. Text me. Please, for the love of everything holy.

Every Day In May: Day 2

So, today I'm supposed to educate you on something I know a lot about.

I don't know a lot about much, but I know a little bit about a lot of things... so this is really hard for me.

So, instead of telling you why you should always use Pampers Newborn diapers vs Huggies, or how to saddle a horse (yeehaw!), I've decided to educate you on little things that I've learned over the years, that you could probably benefit from.

1. I know that dairy makes my stomach hurt, but I eat it anyway. This probably isn't smart, and I don't suggest that you follow my lead here.

2. I know the difference between there, their and they're. I wish more people did, too. 

3. I know that I'm so much happier when I don't procrastinate. 

4. I know that chocolate is better when you can wash it down with a soda. 

5. Do things that require heavy lifting while pregnant -- because you won't have to do any of the heavy lifting. We went camping when I was seven months pregnant, and I was all "Ohhh, sorry guys. I can't lift anything heavier than this tub of Cheetos." So brill.

6. People will get annoyed with your constant picture taking, but four years later, they will thank you for it. 

7. When I'm around people with accents, I find myself trying to talk in their accent... this is horribly offensive, don't do it. 

8. Summer days don't live up to their full potential if they're not set to a country music soundtrack. I promise. 

9. To be a good blogger, leave yourself notes in your phone. This is probably old news, but I just learned this after I had a baby, so it's brand new to me. I find myself being a much better blogger since I can remember things that I wanted to write about, five days later.

10. The "Check Oil Soon" light on your car doesn't ever change to "CHECK OIL NOW, YOU MORON", so you should probably just drop everything you are doing and get your oil changed when the suggestion comes up. You're welcome, procrastinators.