Get Lost

This weekend, Paul and I got out and drove.

It wasn't intentional, until it was. We were planning on just running out to get coffee, maybe stop by the Farmer's Market... but then we found ourselves one kid down (Porter spent the morning with Grammy and Opa), so we packed up our sleeping 4 month old into the truck and just drove.

We drove past the Farmer's Market (which was SO PACKED. That's what happens when it's a sunny Saturday in Washington... everyone decides to get out and be active, ha), we stopped quickly by the post office and then Starbucks, and then we just kept driving. We went down the valley and into a small town called Orting. We were going to stop for an early lunch at a cute cafe or bakery, but we didn't see any that looked worthwhile (sorry, Orting). So, we kept driving. We drove through Orting and the further we drove, the more tranquil and peaceful the setting became. Rolling countryside, farms, evergreens, blue skies, whispy clouds... and we began to talk.

One thing about Paul and I: we have opposite communication styles, especially in regards to conflict. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to go to grab a dessert at a local diner, so we left the kids with the grandparents after they were in bed, and ran off to get milkshakes. I was feeling so excited - an impromptu date night! - only to find out when I got there and settled that Paul had decided this was an ideal time to unload all his grievances. How he was feeling - about life, about kids, about the aftermath of Simon's health issues, about me. Had I been SET UP? It completely overwhelmed me.

I was ANGRY. I immediately got on the defense and refused to hear anything he said. I know he was frustrated with my reaction, because in his mind - he thought he was doing a good thing. Taking me out, getting us on neutral ground, putting ice cream in my face, and then telling me how he was feeling about life.

All I could see was him working hard to devise a scheme to catch me off guard and OMGHOWSELFISHANDANNOYINGISTHAT.

Needless to say, the convo didn't go great. I cried, he back-peddled, we accomplished nothing. We did talk more that night, when we got home, and I was able to explain to him how I felt a little "tricked" and that I wish he would have come to me and said: "Hey, babe, I want to chat about some stuff - nothing too serious, but just some things on my heart. Let's go get ice cream." (For those of you that know my husband, that's not weird - he would and has totally approached conflict like this before).

ANYWAY. After the whole Fake Date Fiasco, we found ourselves alone (not counting a snoozing 4 months old) in the car and driving through gorgeous countryside. The sun was beaming. John Mayer was on the radio. Naturally, we began to talk. No phones, no agenda. I asked questions out of curiosity, and not out of anger. He gave me honest and heartfelt answers. He asked questions. I analyzed, and gave heartfelt answers. We accomplished a lot, but better than anything - we just talked. It was so nice to reconnect on an emotional level, without the drama of a fight or a "come to Jesus" meeting of the minds.

When was the last time you truly connected with your spouse? Was it forced, or organic? Did you listen, or did you do all the talking?

Just like I think investing into date nights and alone time is so important for married couples, especially when you have kids (it's still a non-negotiable for us!), communication is also key. It doesn't have to be a fancy date away... you can literally get in the car and drive into unfamiliar territory, get lost, and focus on nothing but each other.

We were both so refreshed after our drive, and we had come up with a fun game plan for a few realistic dreams we have for our family... all because we chose to take a couple hours and just get lost with each other.

2015 Resolutions

Resolutions are soooooo early 2000's.

But seriously, I don't make resolutions. Maybe because I can never keep them, but this year I've officially changed my outlook on them. I saw a photo of a girl that went to her favorite grocery store to stock up on her greens (she's a health/food blogger, so this wasn't a "resolution" for her) and the store was COMPLETELY OUT OF SALAD.

Out of salad.

How is that even possible?

Oh, I know. Because everyone and their mom vows to get healthy as a new year dawns?

That's what I hate. I know it's just the sense of a "starting point" that people need. Heck, I start a new "clean eating plan"... every Monday ;) But, I do it every Monday of every week of the entire year (minus a few weeks where I do what I want because, for example, I'm 58 weeks pregnant). But we would be so much more fulfilled if we picked a goal for the year, and worked crazily toward it for 52 weeks straight.

I decided my goal this year is going to be purpose.

I want to live a life of purpose. I want my words, actions and plans to be on purpose. I don't want to stumble into anything if I can help it; I want to measure my actions and then set out with ambition and intent.

I want to plan my meals... on purpose. So I don't just get overwhelmed and call for thai food all week, instead.

I want to rock my baby to sleep and pray with him after we sing a few songs... purposefully. I don't want to pray when I remember, or when I need one more thing to do before his eyes get heavy enough that I can set him down. I want to be purposeful and intentional in our bedtime routine, because I want him to remember that "mama prayed" when he's sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old.

I want to be purposeful in my marriage. I want to go out of my way to speak positive, life-giving words to my husband - because I know that is what builds him up. I want to intentionally plan dates and time together, so it doesn't just get set aside in light of our busy lives. With purpose, I can combat any obstacle that gets thrown in our path. If I'm living intentionally, our path will be carved out and clear.

What about you?

What is your plan for 2015?

A Little Less Talk and A Lot More Action

Four years of marriage down, and I think I'm finally coming to the understanding that marriage takes work. The cloud of honeymoon fog has lifted a bit, and the reality of life has set in: anything good in life takes work. Anything. It takes work to raise our kids (uh, it takes a LOT of work to bring them into the world). It takes work to climb the ranks in our careers and earn the respect we want. It takes work to keep our bodies healthy and strong. So, why would I not expect marriage to be just as demanding of our time and energy?

The first year, we didn't work very hard. We skipped rent payments to go to Vegas or buy clothes and things to decorate a place we couldn't afford, we ate takeout many days of the week, we consulted God casually about our marriage, we stayed up too late and ignored our alarm clocks too often, and I cleaned the house because it was funny that I was grown up enough to actually be a WIFE (not because I knew it's what I needed to do to keep our house a home).

Now, FOUR YEARS after we said yes to a lifetime together... we've experienced so much more life. So many awakenings, so many tears, so many laughs, so many celebrations, and so many frustrations. It's sobering and beautiful, all at once.

I'm grateful that you chose me, Paul. I am always thankful for your transparency, your genuine desire to honor and love me above all things, and the hard work you put in in order to keep us strong. The way you interact with our son, the moments you force me to sit down and talk it out, the mornings you walk in with a coffee for me, the hugs for no reason, the work you're doing to build our home, the fact that you purposefully seek out accountability and friendships that help you to grow and improve as a man and husband, the way you worship Him and show others how to do the same: all of those actions are how I know you love me, and they inspire me to do better at showing you that I love you right back. With actions, not words.

They're inspiring me to put down my phone and pick up a book. They're inspiring me to make sure I have done my hair and makeup before you get home, even on days where Porter demands the world of me and I feel like I have nothing left to give (I'm still getting better at this, haha). They're inspiring me to be honest and talk things out, rather than avoiding confrontation. They're inspiring me to be the one to walk over and hug YOU for no reason. They're inspiring me to pursue a healthy lifestyle, so I have lots of life left in our years. Your actions consistently inspire me to seek out a better and deeper relationship with God - even out of frustration ;) - and that alone is worth its weight in gold.

I love you babe. Happy anniversary! Every year with you truly gets better and better. I love the complexity and intensity of our relationship, because it shows me how much we've grown and how deeply connected we truly are.

Date Night With Myself

Last night, I took myself out.

It's been a rough week in the Burton home. Paul is sick with the flu, Porter was sick and is now on the road to recovery, and I desperately needed a moment to breathe. So, I sent Porter with Grammy and Opa to clean the clinic, made sure Paul was comfortable on the couch, and I left.

I drove out to Ulta and spent a good hour pouring over all the makeup and hair products and curling irons I could handle. I bought another new sea salt spray, a new BB cream, about forty new concealers (#momprobs), and then I took myself to the only coffee stand that was open at 8:30pm and got an iced white almond-milk mocha. At 8:30pm. Clearly, I am sleep and sugar-deprived.

Anyone who asked (the girls at Ulta, the barista) what I was up to, I gave them my current life story: "I HAVE A ONE YEAR OLD AND A SICK HUSBAND AND I NEEDED SOME TIME TO MYSELF." I was met with knowing and sympathetic smiles from the Ulta girls and a semi-confused and totally-alarmed smile from the eighteen year old barista, but I didn't care. It's reality, sweetheart, take notes.

I swear by hair night, and now I swear by Ulta-sprees. I don't think Paul agrees, because he almost died when I handed him the receipt (followed quickly but a bottle of new hair product for him to try, because I love him and I'm smart like that: never return from a shopping spree without something for your spouse. I learned this the hard way.)

Tis The Season For... Elf Storage.

My husband and I got out for an impromptu date night tonight, which was so, so, so needed after a long weekend. I hardly saw him, and Porter was definitely fighting off a stomach bug (or teething worse than anything I could have imagined) all day Saturday and Sunday, so today was a perfect time to catch up and refresh with my favorite guy.

We were driving home, listening to some music and laughing about nothing, when we drove by a sign on the 705 for Tacoma Self Storage. Paul knows how much I adore the holidays, so he knew I would appreciate what he was about to say.

"Do you want to know what one of my favorite things about the holidays are?"

Assuming he was going to say something romantic or incredibly festive, I snuggled down into my heated seat, pulled my cozy oversized sweater tight around me and smiled up at him. "Aww, no, babe... what would that be?"

"When Tacoma Self Storage becomes Tacoma Elf Storage... I'm not kidding. It makes me giddy. I get so excited, it's pretty much the best thing ever."

*blank stare*

Here's what he's talking about:

Photo: http://i.feedtacoma.com/kevinfreitas/again-with-elf-storage-cause/

Ok, fine. That's pretty freakin' cute. Happy Holidays, from my hubby to you.

Three Years.

October 8th, 2010, I married my best friend.

I know, so original. But true. Paul and I were friends long before we were a couple; most people saw something with us that we either:

a) ignored
or b) were too blind to see

When we finally started dating, we were met with a chorus of "FINALLY!"'s, and "I KNEW IT!"s. It was exhausting, the amount of time we were spending swearing up and down that there was truly nothing to see... nothing to know... until one day, we looked at each other, and knew what we'd been missing all along.

So, October 8th -- just three short months after our summer engagement with family and our best friends -- we were married. Those same people were standing next to us when we said I do.

I've learned so much in the past three years about myself as a wife, and as a woman in general.

Most of all, I have discovered that I thrive in my supporting role. I prefer it, in fact. I grew up playing the lead in school plays, speaking in front of crowds, showing horses and earning titles... my role has gradually changed over the years, though. I never thought it would be so fulfilling to be "behind the scenes", but I've never felt more comfortable and right than I do right now.

My husband leads worship. He leads people into the presence of God, and to do that, he has to get there first himself. He puts his heart out there daily; his heart, and every ounce of energy he has. I get to be apart of this from the front row, and it always blows my mind how nervous I get. Like, sweaty palms and racing heart nervous. It overwhelms me, watching Paul do what he loves to do. The supporting role is fulfilling, but it doesn't come without a desire to reach out and physically help when all I can do is pray. It's taken some training, for sure. I've had to learn how to be his rock, so he can do what God's called him to do.

Now, we have a child -- a son. A little boy that I can only pray is the best parts of both of us. I'm forever going to play the supporting role to those two leading men in my life. And I love it.

I hope Porter is thoughtful and loves people like his dad does. I hope he has a heart for worship. I fell in love with this man because he's just likable, and it makes me so happy to think that Porter could very well inherit those same qualities.

 These last three years have been easy. Sure, bad days happen... but bad days happen normally because of my own girlish problems. Insecurities, lack of sleep, PMS. ;) Marriage has been far easier than I thought it would be... everyone tried to warn me about how difficult the first years are, but I received a great piece of advice on the day I went to the jewelry store to pick up Paul's ring before our wedding:

The first years are only as hard as you make them.

My long-winded, joke-stealing, trendsetting husband is my favorite person on the planet. Our marriage is the most important thing to me, right alongside of being a mother. The truth is, I am free to be a good mother because of the way our marriage builds me up. Because of the way he builds me up. Paul thinks I can do anything. And as much as I resist, I honestly feel like I could, too -- especially after a pep talk from my better half. As much as I rely on God's hand on my life is as much as I rely on the man that God put in my life. It's like I have two direct lines of communication to Him -- my own, and through my husband.

I want to be a good wife. I want to be more thoughtful, a better gift-giver; a powerful praying wife. I want to be responsible but fun. Carefree but grounded. Encouraging but realistic. I want Paul to know he's irreplaceable. There is no one like him. There's no one I'd rather spend my days with, there's no one I'd rather fight with, there's no one I'd rather have on my team.

Paul, I love you so much! Happy 3 years... thank you for being such a selfless, loyal, wonderful husband. I couldn't have handpicked someone more perfect for me.

Things We Believe In:

• Happy Hours
• Date Nights
• Building The Local Church
• Talking It Out
• Independence
• Starbucks
• Friends on DVD
• Having No Plans
• Breakfast
• Taking Lots Of Pictures
• Love Languages
• Laughing A Lot
• Thymus Extract
• Prayer
• Not Being Cuddley Sleepers
• Vacations
• Las Vegas
• An Extended Christmas Season
• Country Music
• Boys Take Out The Trash, Girls Do The Dishes
• Progressive Dinners
• Target Runs
• Chiropractic
• "#ImFunny"

Things We Disagree About (Often):

• Being On Our Phones
• What "I'll Be There In Five" Truly Means
• Why He Feels The Need To Take Off His Socks And Leave Them Wherever He Was Standing At The Time
• Why I Need To Own 356 Perfumes
• Grocery Shopping
• "#ImFunny"

Husband is sick.

I've known him for years, but this is the first time I've known him with the flu. He is a mess. He won't even attempt to eat, because he hates throwing up so much. He won't take pain medication, because he is afraid that it may (even though it never has) make him nauseous. He has been sleeping for nearly two days. He is hardly talking. He's not making up words to random melodies that he gets in his head, he's not cracking cheesy jokes to annoy me, he's not even drinking coffee.

I'm so bored, I've cleaned the entire house, done all the laundry, and even spent a couple hours shopping online for candles.

Candles.

I want my husband back. Life isn't nearly as fun without him yapping in my ear, day in and day out. Love him so much - I hate to see him like this. Also, I hate to see our bank account like this. I've joined three sites (including Birchbox) and ordered six candles so far.

Get well soon, Paul. Please?