Personal Inventory: Comparison, Change & Other Grown Up Issues

I have had versions of this very post saved as drafts in my blog for quite some time, but I'm taking the time now to actually sit down and organize my thoughts, put it all out there, and press publish.

I'm a diehard people pleaser. Like, to my core. Nothing upsets me more than thinking about letting someone down, or meeting a low expectation that has been placed upon me. I give myself stomach aches overthinking and overanalyzing everything, and being a mom has magnified this trait in me even more.

Here are three areas I'm working hard to conquer right now.

The Burden of Social Media
Last night, I actually wondered how much happier I would be if I didn't have Instagram, and I didn't see all these mothers that have their entire families on raw, whole food diets on a daily basis. If I didn't have to scroll through pics moms who make homemade play-doh and get up at 4am every morning for french-press coffee by their huge window while they faithfully and obediently read sixteen chapters in their Bible.

Instead of feeling inferior, I'm going to make it my goal to let it motivate me. Without those moms who post about their raw/whole food diets, for example, I wouldn't be making a conscious effort to make myself, Porter & Paul fresh juices and smoothies each day. I may not do it for every meal, but once a day is a huge leap in the right direction for me. My fridge is stocked with more greens and produce than it ever has been before, but only because I made the decision to be encouraged rather than defeated.

Growing Up & Letting Go
It's always been a struggle for me... change. I always thought of myself as a "go with the flow" kind of girl, but I'm not at all. Recently, I've seen this in my relationships. Truth is, friends are going to walk away, I have to be ok with that. Priorities change - mine included - so I can't be surprised or hurt when priorities change for others, too. The ones that are in my life for the long haul will become clearer and clearer over the years - this has already proven true. Relationships should get easier, not more difficult. If they become difficult, something has to change - or, maybe something already has. Either way, when change does come... I. Have. To. Accept. It. I have to thank God for the vision to see beyond the heartache or frustration, and keep moving.

On the same note, there are people in my life who have been there - steadfast and supportive - for years... and I didn't even notice. It saddens me for a minute, until I realize it's never too late to nurture those friendships. Take inventory of your relationships now and then - you may be surprised at what you find.

Becoming My Biggest Fan
I make underhanded comments a lot... to myself. It wasn't until my husband brought it up (that he hates when I do it) that I really took a good hard look at the way I talk to myself when I didn't think anyone was listening. "This looks disgusting." "My hair looks horrible." "Nothing looks good on me." "I feel so gross." I say those things a lot. Way too often.

I realized that if my husband hears me, then that means that Porter hears me too. Soon, he's going to understand what I'm saying, and I don't want him to think his mother is unhappy with herself. He deserves a strong, confident mother than knows her worth and not only walks it out, but speaks it too. Truth is, for the hundreds of things I want to improve, there are a hundred and one things I love. I just don't address those audibly.

I should. I should smile at myself more in the mirror, rather than wrinkling my forehead or turning sideways and looking at myself from every angle for fifteen minutes before I leave the house. I should be proactive about my image - if I hate how I look when I don't get dressed in the mornings, I should pick out my outfits the night before so it's ready for me when my alarm goes off.

What about you? Have you ever felt like the pressure to be the "perfect mom" is magnified by the hugeness that is social media? What about the waves of change that inevitably come... how do you deal? Do you give yourself enough credit, or are you your own worst critic? Feel free to comment below; I would love to hear some feedback on these grown-up-issues that don't have to do with wave spray or BB cream ;)

Date Night With Myself

Last night, I took myself out.

It's been a rough week in the Burton home. Paul is sick with the flu, Porter was sick and is now on the road to recovery, and I desperately needed a moment to breathe. So, I sent Porter with Grammy and Opa to clean the clinic, made sure Paul was comfortable on the couch, and I left.

I drove out to Ulta and spent a good hour pouring over all the makeup and hair products and curling irons I could handle. I bought another new sea salt spray, a new BB cream, about forty new concealers (#momprobs), and then I took myself to the only coffee stand that was open at 8:30pm and got an iced white almond-milk mocha. At 8:30pm. Clearly, I am sleep and sugar-deprived.

Anyone who asked (the girls at Ulta, the barista) what I was up to, I gave them my current life story: "I HAVE A ONE YEAR OLD AND A SICK HUSBAND AND I NEEDED SOME TIME TO MYSELF." I was met with knowing and sympathetic smiles from the Ulta girls and a semi-confused and totally-alarmed smile from the eighteen year old barista, but I didn't care. It's reality, sweetheart, take notes.

I swear by hair night, and now I swear by Ulta-sprees. I don't think Paul agrees, because he almost died when I handed him the receipt (followed quickly but a bottle of new hair product for him to try, because I love him and I'm smart like that: never return from a shopping spree without something for your spouse. I learned this the hard way.)

Life Lessons: Make Hair Day Happen

I love me some hair day. Mamas... make the time. Even if it's a stretch; save some money on coffee for a couple weeks and go get your hair done. Or, get a facial. Or maybe a massage. Maybe even all three.

Do something for you. You deserve it. It's so important to invest in ourselves; to make ourselves feel better. This came after a full day being covered in baby vomit, guys... I needed a night off badly. We spend so much time trying to figure out what's going on inside those little heads that we kiss day in and day out that a few hours with nothing to do but sit back and let someone fix you up is absolute heaven. It helps you to recharge, maybe without even realizing it. 

I had nothing to think about except for which shade of blonde I wanted my ombre to be.

Um, awesome.

Every Day In May: Day 7

I used to be able to answer today's blog topic with a resounding and emphatic: "CHILDBIRTH."

If you're guessing today's topic to be: "what in life are you most looking forward to?" you'd be dead wrong. Nope, in fact: completely the opposite. Childbirth was my single-most greatest fear. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant last April, I cried... and it took a few days before they became tears of joy.

Ok, weeks.

But anyway, I cried because I was terribly afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. It seemed impossible.
But, it wasn't. And, ironically enough, it's now what I consider to be my greatest accomplishment.

So, today I'm supposed to talk about what I'm most afraid of.

I don't like to give my fears a face, so I'm not going to.

I will say this: I spend a lot of extra time talking to God about my health, the health of my precious son and husband, and the health of my family and friends. I spend a lot of time thanking God for complete and total wholeness in me and in all of those I love, and for the long life I've yet to experience. I thank God that my days on this earth will be long and full of blessing, and that I will grow old with my husband and children by my side. I thank Him for not giving me a spirit of fear, but of power. And of love. And of a sound mind.

I am at my very best when I believe every single promise of God, even if there are days when I struggle to do so. Some days, I Google things I shouldn't, or I worry about what I would do if _______ (fill in the blank here). I worry. I worry too much, when there's no reason to.

I am healthy. My husband is healthy. My baby boy is healthy. My parents are healthy, my friends are healthy, my family is healthy and happy. 

The funny thing about God's promises: the more you repeat them, the more you believe them. And the more you believe them, the healthier you become - spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. Which, is my greatest goal in life.

Every Day In May: Day 2

So, today I'm supposed to educate you on something I know a lot about.

I don't know a lot about much, but I know a little bit about a lot of things... so this is really hard for me.

So, instead of telling you why you should always use Pampers Newborn diapers vs Huggies, or how to saddle a horse (yeehaw!), I've decided to educate you on little things that I've learned over the years, that you could probably benefit from.

1. I know that dairy makes my stomach hurt, but I eat it anyway. This probably isn't smart, and I don't suggest that you follow my lead here.

2. I know the difference between there, their and they're. I wish more people did, too. 

3. I know that I'm so much happier when I don't procrastinate. 

4. I know that chocolate is better when you can wash it down with a soda. 

5. Do things that require heavy lifting while pregnant -- because you won't have to do any of the heavy lifting. We went camping when I was seven months pregnant, and I was all "Ohhh, sorry guys. I can't lift anything heavier than this tub of Cheetos." So brill.

6. People will get annoyed with your constant picture taking, but four years later, they will thank you for it. 

7. When I'm around people with accents, I find myself trying to talk in their accent... this is horribly offensive, don't do it. 

8. Summer days don't live up to their full potential if they're not set to a country music soundtrack. I promise. 

9. To be a good blogger, leave yourself notes in your phone. This is probably old news, but I just learned this after I had a baby, so it's brand new to me. I find myself being a much better blogger since I can remember things that I wanted to write about, five days later.

10. The "Check Oil Soon" light on your car doesn't ever change to "CHECK OIL NOW, YOU MORON", so you should probably just drop everything you are doing and get your oil changed when the suggestion comes up. You're welcome, procrastinators.