A vacation with kids is not a vacation at all.

I live for vacations. Which is a little troublesome, since I feel like we don't take many. Haha... but, we planned this vacation a few weeks ago, to celebrate my husband's and Jen's birthdays in a snowy little town called Leavenworth, and to say we were all a little excited was an understatement.

Not only was this our first vacation as a group in quite some time, but this was the first time we were escaping together WITH OUR KIDS.

We questioned whether this would be a vacation at all, actually. Jessica and Davey's boys are older (meaning, they can use a toilet and put themselves to sleep), but Porter and Lincoln are 14 months and 9 months old. They still nurse, they still wake up a few times during the night, they are obviously still in diapers and need to be entertained and watched 24/7.

So, basically, this was a different experience entirely.

Here are a few ways vacation with toddlers is not a vacation at all.

• Stairs. Omg, do you guys realize that most houses are - by nature - BABY DEATHTRAPS? And this genius of a mother (talking about me) doesn't own a baby gate... because, you know, I like to live on the edge. The house we stayed at was three floors, with like a billion flights of stairs. I had to get creative, creating blockades with unused ottomans and dining room chairs on their sides. Porter is like a moth to a flame when it comes to stairs. He will drop anything he is doing to climb up some stairs; if he sees an opportunity, the stairs are like a irresistible, shining beacon of fun and imminent danger. He will RUN to them. So, when I successfully block off all the landings and I am thinking to myself "WINNING!", he scales the wall and climbs up the banister. I. Am. Not. Kidding.
• Babies Don't Care About Sleeping In. Porter and I came downstairs at 6am a few mornings we were away, and were promptly greeted by our friends Jen and Lincoln. Oh, hey guys. No sleeping in for you either? Not gonna lie, I was a little jealous that the Jones boys were still sleeping (as were their parents). I pretended to be all panicky when Porter started playing his xylophone outside of Jess and Davey's room, but I was secretly all "muahaha" when Jessica flung open the door and stumbled out half-asleep to the bathroom. I mean, I know she's earned her sleeping in (three kids later and blah blah blah)... but if Jen and I are awake and sucking down coffee, you will be awake and sucking down your lemon water, Mrs. Jones.
• You Can't Take Kids Into A Bar. When we were sledding, some kind stranger - (actually, I'm not sure who told us - I had retired to the car early because I had a frozen Porter Popsicle. So, yeah, I just waited in the car for everyone else to finish having a blast. Yet another reason why this vacation is now different, but I'll just keep moving for the sake of word count) - so anyway, so stranger told us that this little hole-in-the-wall down the road has the BEST pizza in town. Well, turns out, it was the town bar. Jen, Jess and I stayed in the car with all the kids while the guys ordered and waited for our to-go pizza. That in itself is super annoying - especially with a cranky toddler needing a nap and not at all pleased to be sitting in an cold, non-running car.
• Vacation Language Isn't A Thing. We have this joke about saying and doing whatever we want on vacation - after all, it's vacation! If I want to have Doritos for breakfast, I will. We talk about married things, we laugh at inappropriate jokes, we play intense games of Heads Up and Catchphrase and - err - Uno, and... things can get heated. A few of us hate losing (Paul), a few of us cheat (Jessica), and a few of us may have mouths like sailors (Me, Jen). I know, you're shocked. Well. Kids don't understand the good nature of this, and pretty soon Jackson Jones is wandering the house telling the little kids to stop being "so damn loud. That crap is annoying". Oops.

So yeah, anyway... bottom line, I joke around - but it was a blast. I loved hanging out with our families and making so many new memories. One of my favorites: the older kids played Xbox downstairs, and told us a few times they were going to go "pwn some noobs". We were like... "what are you even saying."

Jess got really nervous, but didn't want to make her kids feel like she didn't trust them, so we did what every logical parent in 2014 does: we Urban Dictionaried it. Turns out, it is to completely obliterate your opponent in any event where there is competition, though the term specifically originated from Online Gaming. Very similar in nature as "owning new players". Phew.

You learn something new every day.

Our cabin for the weekend!